| Today, we have 70 poems + 11 stories + 3 essays = 84 works by 43 authors
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| Erratics |
| Our place for other stuff |
| Light verse, squibs and lampoons. In other words, a miscellany that we didn't know where else to put. |
| Next Door Neighbour Blues by Edmund Growler |
Oh, blow that horn, man,
Right through the wall,
It's so forlorn, man,
And not tuneful at all,
Like a cow getting born, man,
Or a mad preacher's call
The stress is profound, man,
It's making me wheeze,
Can't just stay around, man,
Till you gets some expertise,
From the way you sound, man
That could be centuries
So blow it like hell, man,
Don't get me wrong.
I'm casting my spell, man,
You aint got too long,
Not with warts on your tongue, man,
And trumpeter's lung!
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| Sex and Death Among the Poets by Edmund Growler |
Why do you think that I should want to know
What's only news to you - editions of
Your feelings when you screw or suck or blow?
They hardly seem to qualify as love
In the poetic way. God! - you reply -
Just listen to this critical old fart!
His "Intimations of Mortality" -
Now tell me, who needs those? Have a heart!
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| Graveyard Shift by Anonymous |
HERE LIES MARY SEXTON
WHO PLEASED MANY A MAN
BUT NEVER VEX'D ONE
NOT LIKE HER UNDER THE NEXT STONE
Heard on BBC Radio 4's "Quote, unquote".
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| Classic FM by Edmund Growler |
Yew never had it so smeewthe,
breathes the little-girl voice
after 5 minutes of Mozart.
Or, after a bit of broken-off
Boccherini, deep male tones
urge us to rela-a-x, because
more, much more, will be coming
just after this, to make it all better.
This being a 10-minute jangle
advertising Vauxhalls,
before someone’s second movement
is played by someone. Stay in tune:
then the start of Eine Kleine
Nachtmusik turns rapidly
into BOINGTY BOINGTY BOING,
BOING BOING! - their tune…
But it's all for your own good: Sit back,
rela-a-x... What's with all this
rela-a-xing, this smeewtheness?
Isn't it obvious that
classical music, let flow
in small enough doses
from its warm container,
is the best kind of enema,
so relaxing for your bowels,
so smoothing for your movements,
especially when followed
by the necessary
hard plug?
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| Dogged by Edmund Growler |
That wavering, hangdog look
as we pass on the public way
is the mark of a guilty mind.
How can I bid him g’day
and let him off the hook
when his mongrel’s shitting behind?
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| Testing Turing by Ted Burford |
Here come more inputs!
I make suitable responses,
Wordperfect.
I’ve done it for years
It’ll never be deduced
That I’m one of those.
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